i suggest....

Me and my husband have been here for a while. This is our first duty station and our first time leaving our home for so long. I don't know about anyone else, but i am a young mother, and i am very picky when it comes to my kids. I have a fear of using daycare centers. I wont go into any reasons, but lets just say the things i have heard would disgust everyone. We haven't gone out or been alone since we got here. not together anyways. So i thought we might give our opinion on sitters or centers us parents have used. I am dying for a good night out WITH my husband!!

That's a great idea!!! I'll start the topic now!

Great! Thanks Kristin.

hispeaceinthedisaster wrote:

Me and my husband have been here for a while. This is our first duty station and our first time leaving our home for so long. I don't know about anyone else, but i am a young mother, and i am very picky when it comes to my kids. I have a fear of using daycare centers. I wont go into any reasons, but lets just say the things i have heard would disgust everyone. We haven't gone out or been alone since we got here. not together anyways. So i thought we might give our opinion on sitters or centers us parents have used. I am dying for a good night out WITH my husband!!

I KNOW WHAT U MEAN, I TRIED TRUSTING THE LIST OFFERED THROUGH THE CDC...AND I AM SCARRED FROM EVER DOING THAT AGAIN!!! LET'S JUST SAY THAT WE PAID A GIRL TO WATCH OUR DAUGHTER, BUT ALL SHE DID WAS LOCK HER IN A ROOM, DIDN'T FEED OR GIVE HER ANYTHING TO DRINK THE WHOLE NIGHT, DIDN'T CHANGE HER DIAPER OR EVEN PLAY WITH HER!!! SHE JUST STAYED ON OUR COMPUTER OR WATCHED T.V., NEVER AGAIN !!! AND SINCE WE DON'T KNOW MANY PEOPLE, WE'VE HARDLY BEEN OUT!!! AND NOW THAT MY HUBBY IS DEPLOYED AGAIN, I CAN HARDLY DO ANYTHING, BECAUSE NOW I HAVE 2 KIDS TO LOOK AFTER ON MY OWN !!!!

That is horrible, I cannot believe that something like that is happening over here, it is sad! I am so sorry. I am not registered to watch children over here so I am not suppose to offer services, but I have been watching children for 15 years now, I hate to see things like this happen, I hope you both find someone that you can trust to watch your kids!

Amber

Wow I hope you reported here! That is terrible, I don't know how people can do things like that... blows my mind.

Yes I agree I hope she was reported!! I would hate to see something like this happen to someone else! Just horrible!

yes, I reported her to the CDC and they took her name off of the babysitter's referral list...and I called her mom and told her what happened too!!! Supposedly, she won't be allowed to babysit anymore (but if u ask me, she probably still is) I'm sure she's still babysitting for people in her area...I just hope that she's straightened up!!! The sad part is it was for our military ball, and the unit was sponsoring free childcare (but u had a deadline to pick up the kiddos), and my husband wanted to stay out and enjoy the night, so we hired someone instead...I wanted an adult or at least someone with child experience, so I went to the CDC to get some numbers off of their referral list (which I thought was a good idea...ha ) it's really stupid too, to be on their list, u have to take a babysitting class and get qualified in cpr...so I thought it would be a smart choice choosing from their list!!! I now know better!!! Since that night, I haven't left my kids with anyone other than my mom while she was here to help me after the birth of my son...I'm truely scarred for life I think!!! I mean u should have seen how pitiful things were ( I know my daughter okay) she's a night owl...there was nooo way she went to sleep on her own that early...and her sippy cups and plates, etc...were still clean in the kitchen drawer (and I showed the babysitter where everything was, so there was no excuse to not have given her anything...at the very least she could have used any dish for the matter, u know???) and her diaper was sooo soaked that it was literally about to fall off (and she had a terrible rash from this) And the handle on her bedroom door was too high for her to open it and come out of her room by herself, so that's how I knew she was locked in there to cry her self to sleep!!! Unbelievable is an understatement!!! and what pushed me over the edge was when I was fixing me a snack and something to drink I was literally ATTACKED for my food and drink, she drank my whole glass of water within seconds as if she were starving...(which she obviously was)!!! My daughter was only right at 2 (her birthday was 2 days later) How can anyone do something like that to someone soo innocent (and got paid for it???) When we came home, she was watching a movie and eating...and after she left, I checked the history on our computer and she had been playing on the computer forever....so that's all she did the whole night (feed herself, play on the computer, and watch movies)...I couldn't believe it !!! NEVER AGAIN !!!! I hope nothing like this ever happens to u ladies, because from that moment, I haven't been able to even bring myself to trust anyone else to watch my kids again...and I honestly think I may need therapy to get over it!!!

wow that is crazy, while just because someone is "trained" to do something doesn't mean they are good at it. I am a NREMT and work with several others who have the same certification as me or higher and they may be able to do it but are not the person I want on the ambulance if I ever needed it. I think they should have some form of checks and balances to make sure the people they are certifying are capable or will actually provide quality care. I wonder how many other children this has happened too... I'm sure a ton. I use to work in daycare, in Phoenix and Carlsbad, NM, and you would be shocked at the practices that go on in those environments as well. I actually reported one that I worked for. It is sad that more importance is not put on quality child care as children are not able to defend or help themselves. This truly is sad but not everyone is like this, I have known many of people who do provide quality care. Have you tried having someone come over and spend time and "watch" your child with you there? I know several ladies that do this, it may provide a small break and give you peace of mind when you eventually need to use a sitter. I also know several moms who do child "swapping" the whole you watch mine I watch yours. This I think is a good idea because you can see how your children would be tended to based on how theirs are tended to. Just some ideas, good luck to you!

I couldn't agree with Kristen more, at least you would get some sort of break even if she is there while you are at least you could get something done. I am really sorry this happened to you and your daughter. If I can help you sometime, please just let me know!

Amber

thanks for the support ladies...I understand where u are coming from and what u are talking about...I just haven't been able to gather the strenth and trust to try it. One of the main reasons is because when I spoke with the girls mother about it...she honestly thought I was "over-reacting / stretching things out of proportion"...she said she didn't believe her daughter would do something like that because she babysits her toddler brother all the time, and hasn't been a problem. Like I told her, it was her brother...not someone elses kid!!! And that's why I can't bring myself to try it yet...if she could act "normal" around some kids ..particularly her brother, and yet still do something like that to someone else's child...I'm sure other's are the same way!!! In fact one of my old neighbors from Brag fit that category perfectly. To the naked eye, she seemed innocent and child friendly. Her 4 yr old son seemed fine and unharmed...as if everything was normal. One day while I was babysitting him, I had to give him a bath and that's when I noticed all of his bruises (of course they were in areas clothes could cover up)...terrible thoughts went through my head that night as well, because we used to do the whole....I watch your child when u need help, and u can help me by watching mine...sorta thing. And it bugs me that she could've hit my child as well, and I mistook it for a "learning to walk" bruise...gosh I don't even want to stir up those thoughts again. Anyway, needless to say I told a friend of mine about it, who reported her for me (so my name wouldn't be in the mix) and she went to jail (thankfully) and the child's biological father got him...hopefully the child is better off !!! Anyway, I totally understand why u ladies say I should try something at least to give me at least some form of break...but honestly, I would rather "know" my kids are being taken care of than to risk it at their age. At least we leave here sometime between Jan-July of 2011..and we will be close to our family and friends back home...until then I will just deal with it.

Ok, I wil offer you something, and can chose to do it or not, and I will understand if you dont want to, because you still dont trust anyone. I dont blame you for that! But if you would like for me to watch your children, I will, and you are welcome to leave a camera on to record the whole time! You deserve a break!

Amber

I was just reading this tread and am floored at the image of this little one trying to get out of her room and crying herself to sleep. OMG. I have a 9 year old and a 7 year old and did not leave them with anyone for the same reasons when they were babies. Until they could tell me in detail how and what they did, no one watched them. My mind was at piece. So that was the good part.... Let me tell you about the bad part. You think that you will just deal with it and so you will. My husband said he felt the same way. Little did we know and understand was that you two need that time to each other, and the kids do too. They have to have that time away from mommy and daddy. They become so self reliant on you guys that you you have no time and they begin not to trust people also. Kids need to exercise their skills on hoe to meet people and trust people. If Mommy and Daddy are always around they have that crutch. I have had it happen to me and that is the only reason I am telling you. I fully understand the trauma this has brought you. You have to find a way for you and the kids to work through it. You are more aware now what you have to watch out for. It sucks but you learned a lot from that experience. First off, don't let someone you don't know babysit your kids. Get to know the person and their kids. Teens don't know crap about how to properly watch a baby. They are still in their selfish phase they don't know the first thing about putting someone else first. It is not just the babysitter you have to watch out for, if their kids are assholes then your kids will have to deal with them too. Second,Send time with the babysitter. If she is any good she will want to get to know you and the kids first and see if you guys are a good fit for her. Leave them for little times at first. Maybe you have certain things that she/he is unable to provide for. You need the right fit to feel comfortable. Third and this is only after you have done all your homework, you have to learn to trust in the person. That is the hardest one. I can preach and preach but have only had one person In the 9 years of being a mom that I fully trusted with my babies. Moving around in the military is very hard, You don't have the luxury of relationships being more that 1 to 3 years long if that. This forum is a step in the right direction for you. I am sure that if you get out there and meet people and get to know them you will find someone that you can trust.

I couldn't agree more with what you said Kimmy. I think you hit right on!

I dont know I hate preachin but I would have liked someone to have layed it out for me at that age. My daughter suffered because of that. Now she has no social skills when I am not around. She is fine when I am there but she is 9 and in 4th grade and has trouble making friends without me in the backround. Sad really. I have to push everyday.
Oh and she comes from a very outgoing family. No shyness here I tell you. You just have to be careful how much you shelter you give them from other people. They need to learn that not eveyone will hurt them. There are times I want to freak out because of how rude and nasty people are, but they need to see that so they will be able to learn the differences in people. If they dont know the differences they will be taken advantage of and not learn who to stay away from. Am I getting to deep into it?

No I dont think you are getting too deep, I really do agree with you, things are so different now days and it is hard to trust anyone, especially being eith the military since you move so often so you only have so long to get to know people. It is a hard spot for parents, but I agree you just can't keep them to sheltered! I really wish the best to both you both!

kimmy thanks for the advice. I haven't really been sheltering her, I just can't leave her with a babysitter. I take her to playdates and I'm in a different room or at least "not in her face". I just can't leave her with someone for extended periods of time. And as far as being social goes, she is very outgoing. In fact, she knows no strangers...she will go up to anyone and u wouldn't be able to tell the difference that she didn't know them. That part can be pretty scary at times...but I'm working on one thing at a time. Thanks to this forum, I've met a lady that has a son close to my daughter's age...whom we've been having playdates and such with. I know I've only known her for a limited amount of time, but judging by her personality and the relationship she has with her son...I feel that I can learn to trust her with my daughter if needed. On a different note, my daughter starts preschool in April, I'm sooo thrilled that she will be around more kids, and have that alone time without mommy around...and I won't have anything to worry about either as far as neglect or abuse goes....so it's a win, win situation for me!!!! Thanks to everyone for your support and advice...I'm taking things a day at a time, and I think things will only get better from here!!!

Wow that is so awsome to hear. Good for you. It is so hard meeting people you click with and your kids click with too. It is a win, win.
I hope you get to have some lone time with your hubby soon. I am crossing my fingers.

Kimmy wrote:

Wow that is so awsome to hear. Good for you. It is so hard meeting people you click with and your kids click with too. It is a win, win.
I hope you get to have some lone time with your hubby soon. I am crossing my fingers.

I wish I could have some "alone time" with my hubby...or just be able to see him at all for that matter...lol he is currently deployed to afghanistan at the moment...but I'm sure things will get better...thanks again for the advice!!!